It all comes back to food....

So my last few blogs paint a pretty good picture of where my head has been at lately; and I am well aware that to outsiders; it ain't pretty. For those that have expressed concern; I greatly appreciate your kind words and offerings of wisdom and faith.

Last weekend, I managed to pull my head out of my proverbial behind and host a Pampered Chef party; something I had been looking forward to for quite a while. I was reminded that no matter what happens in life; I can always go back to the kitchen and reclaim my space; both physically and mentally. I have realized how therapeutic making risotto actually is; and by the time it is done; nothing seems unsolvable.

That being said; arborio rice does not cure overwhelming feelings of dehumanization and alienation, but it does provide comfort on many levels. It brings me back to being in the moment; and rolling out dough provides a wonderful outlet for frustration. I now have a much stronger understanding of the expression, "putting your heart and soul into it." There is no shame in having your tears in a sauce, and fist prints in the pie crust...you are giving your all in your food....who doesn't appreciate that?

Strength....

Who am I of not for them? Even in my own internal crisis, they are the reason to find my centre......

What if??????

What do you do when you wake up one day, completely indifferent to the person you once loved more than anyone else? What if when they left, you were happy they were gone? What if, deep down in your heart, you secretly wished they wouldn't come back? What if you stopped caring about the things you worked so hard to achieve? What if you had no hard rock to lean on once in a while? What if you just stood there, as if you had a psychic power to forsee the future, and you saw it all just crumbling away from you....and you didn't care. What if everything you worked so hard to achieve, was just a ball and chain holding you back....

"tore the rearview mirror down....I wrapped it in my wedding gown......

Got my hands on the wheel, got my foot on the pedal

Gonna drive till I drop till these tires turn to metal

Gonna sleep when I'm dead, gonna laugh like the devil

Gonna find some place where no one knows me....."

What if, for the first time in your life, you didn't feel like fighting to save something? What if, for the first time in your life, you were willing to give up the ghost, admit everyone else was right from the beginning, and just walk away. What if the solutions that were offered to fox things, just didn't seem worth the effort?

There's no sentimental value to the rose, that fell on your floor

there's no fundamental excuse, for the granted I'm taken for.

It's easy not to.

So much easier not to

And what goes around never comes around to you.

What if throwing your hands up and saying, "I'm done." uplifted your soul instead of drowning it?

But what if your wrong?