family drama...

I am not someone who is used to a lot of extended family drama.  First off, I am an only child, therefore, fights with siblings simply did not occur; and I never had to either rat someone out or hide a bad deed from my parents that a sibling would have created.  I also grew up at least 200 km from other family members, such as grandparents and aunts/uncles/cousins, so I would only see certain family members once every few years or so.  Finally, being the child of alcoholics leads to LOTS of family secrets, and a sense of isolation from others.

Since my grandmother's passing a few years ago; my cousins and I made a vow to be more connected to one another.  Most of the time, I have loved this; it has given me something to ground to; to give Avery a sense of connection to people beyond her immediate family.  However, it has also come with the family drama.

Why is it in families all adults suddenly lose the ability to self advocate?  Over the last few months, I have heard a range of statements from family members such as "My parents are hurt by you," or, "she had no right to do that," followed by "Do you know what she did to Aunt Joan?" and my personal favorite, "Who does she think she is?"  ugh.....

Most of my blood relatives are female.  I have one blood male cousin and one blood male uncle.  The rest...all women.  And most of them live within a 15 minute drive of one another.  (I by far, moved the farthest)  But I swear, the distance is irrelevant; these women will peck at something until it bleeds....then blame you for not noticing the pecking.....

Like I said, when it comes to family drama and navigation; I often lack the ability, the knowledge and experience to deal with these situations effectively.  I am not entirely sure if the same rules apply to family that they do to others.  Common sense would say yes; but I truly am unaware of the loop holes that occur in the fabric of the family quilt. 

I think the only thing I can do is apply the same rules of my life to my family. 

#1 If it does not concern you directly, keep you trap shut!

#2 If someone asks for your opinion, give it to them and them only. 

#3 Do not speak for other people.  Unless you have been given legal authority to make another's decisions, their decisions and disclosure are not yours.  They are theirs.  Let them have them.  Your need to clear the air is not as important as the other's person's need to not feel blindsided.

#4 Call people and ask them if they have a problem DIRECTLY.  This eliminates gossip and, if they figure out quickly that you will not tolerate this behaviour, you will likely be left out of future family dramas.

I am open to direction on #5 and beyond......