Today is a hard day.....

Some days are far more emotional than others......

This is a hard day for me.  The kicker is, I am not enirely sure why....it began with me being angry that it was recycling day...cause that makes perfect sense.....

Then as I am driving to work, I begin crying because I miss my dad.....this is strange for me.  I usually miss my dad after he's left from being in town or I've recently been home to see him....but to miss him just because...for me; that is strange....

Then, I became quite irritable about our impending trip to Winnipeg....I began trying to come up with reasons so I wouldn't have to go....and I was the one who suggested it in the first place....I do recognize that travel is a source of stress for me (and it always has been) but driving to Winnipeg is hardly stressful travel.

Then I decided that Paul and I should cancel our date tonight...because we had to pack...blah blah blah....then we couldn't.  And now I find myself wanting to cancel dinner.....

What the hell is wrong with me? 

Today I just feel broken....

Is it over yet???

Proposal....

I wrote my first academic proposal this week.....I have been so afarid to do this; I am not sure why or what about it was so un-nerving that I never made the leap before...

I am asking for educational opportunity; when i started the process I decided I needed to try and get this for the sake of trying.  I told myself, "you'll never know unless you try," and considering that is the advice I offered to my dear friend last week, I figured I owed it to her to do the same....even if it was on a much smaller scale.....

Except I am worried now that I actually want to do it.....

Don't get me wrong, before I wrote the thing; I thought it would be awesome to go and do, but now that I have put in some effort, I really want it to happen.  I know logically, that they will reject my request, since they NEVER give money and esspecially NEVER to lowly peons like me who merely deliver the service they state they provide.

But I still really believe that I am in a position to make people's lives easier for them to live.  And I still want to do that....

How cliche is that?

Then my boss came in an didn't completely shit on it; which made me wonder if there is any chance for success.....

And the kicker?  One of my mentors will be town in that week; so if  I get this
opportunity, I will miss my chance to see him....

I'll keep you posted...