Stalemate

I hate stalemates......

I hate these moments in time....when you know something is going on but the other person is, for whatever reason, just not talking about it.  And no amount of gentle prodding, asking, expressing concerns, and finally, getting upset about is going to change a fucking thing.  You know those moments when someone says to you, "I'm fine, really....nothing's bothering me."  yeah.....sure....

Most of the time this is not a rope I would yank on....really...my life over the past year has been far to hectic and frustrating at times, that I really lived by the adage, "You don't want to tell me?  Fine.....then don't...." because in between a full time job, corporate obligations, parental responsibilities and wedding planning, there really wasn't much time for to just sit around and look for things to be wrong.  Maybe that's the problem....maybe they've been wrong for a while now and I've just gotten around to noticing....

But God forbid you tell me when I ask!

One of my oldest and dearest friends is about to take a huge leap and end a stalemate that has been a part of her life for more than 20 years....she is about to leap.  And leap big.  She is going to tell a man she has crushed on her whole life that this is how she feels and she wants more.  On one hand, I don't envy her.  On the other....butterflies are butterflies....

I don't have butterflies...I have a deep seething disturbance that something is wrong and no one is talking.  They are hiding behind, "I'm fine...."

I hate when your instincts tell you one thing and logic tells you another.....

stalemate....

So I cleaned out my bathroom last night.....

And by cleaning, I don't mean scrubbing sinks and toilets, I mean I cleaned out my bathroom.  I got rid of every excessive bottle of skin lotion, hand sanitizer, bottles of hairspray, body scrubs and that are taking up space in my bathroom.  And while doing this, I suddenly realized the hundreds of dollars I have spent on this crap....and that's what it is...crap.  Hundreds of dollars on bottles of stuff that take up space that I can't really use in my scent free job.  How stupid is that?

Some of it WAS gifts...but for the most part, it was stuff I bought when impulse shopping.   Or because I was shopping with someone who liked it.  I look in this bag filled with 20+ full bottles of assorted sprays, lotions and perfumes and think.....what a waste this is: what we all chose to do with out spare time.  Fill our homes with stuff we don't need, and spend money on it that should be used elsewhere....

So here is what I spent I spent $25.00 on this weekend...a winter festival with my family.  We went snow tubing.  We fired Muskets.  We pet farm animals.  We ate maple syrup on a stick.  We interacted with members of our community.  Paul and I introduced each other to people the other has not met.  We created a memory for our daughter.  Or, I could have went to the mall and bought a scent trio.....hmmmm.......