I often lose my ability to see people for who they really are.....I have the opposite problem of many...I think people are more able to learn from their mistakes then they actually are. I have forgiven a lot of behaviours in my life; I think because I have not always been a great and wonderful person myself. But where can you draw the line and say, "enough is enough!" and who can you say this to?
I have always had a very tumultuous relationship with my family..almost bipolar in many ways...we are either in love with each other or fighting to the death; and usually with little or no transition phase. Words and phrases are slung like jabs in a boxing ring; except we are blindsided by them; and instead of keeping the blows above the belt; someone pulls a Tyson and tries to bite off an ear. This alone should be enough for most to throw in the towel; but for some reason, an emotion by the name of guilt calls for 'one more round,' and there we go again, dancing around like we actually enjoy it.
I have been trying very hard to come to a place where I am a healthy, functioning adult. This has not come without a substantial amount of work. Prayer, therapy, meditation and self reflection have brought me to a place where I was beginning to feel pretty good about who I was and who I wanted to be. I thought I had successfully set some limits in my life with people I was terrified to do this with. But someone decided to give me a kidney shot and test those limits. It was as if they wanted to remind me, "hey...you know are that hard work you have done? Well, there's not much point to it until we test you on it. We can't just sit back and let you be okay with that; you understand of course." And BAM! It's your mother, acting like the poor innocent victim and that no one loves her; and how lucky you are to have been raised by better people than she was. Yeah...here we go......
She burned me pretty bad a few years ago.....really bad. Like I could have gone years without seeing her and been okay with it. I had finally let it go. Realized holding the grudge was giving free rental space in my head. Thought she had come to a place where she actually respected me. Now who's being naive.....
Stay tuned for round 2....cause you know it's coming........
I have always had a very tumultuous relationship with my family..almost bipolar in many ways...we are either in love with each other or fighting to the death; and usually with little or no transition phase. Words and phrases are slung like jabs in a boxing ring; except we are blindsided by them; and instead of keeping the blows above the belt; someone pulls a Tyson and tries to bite off an ear. This alone should be enough for most to throw in the towel; but for some reason, an emotion by the name of guilt calls for 'one more round,' and there we go again, dancing around like we actually enjoy it.
I have been trying very hard to come to a place where I am a healthy, functioning adult. This has not come without a substantial amount of work. Prayer, therapy, meditation and self reflection have brought me to a place where I was beginning to feel pretty good about who I was and who I wanted to be. I thought I had successfully set some limits in my life with people I was terrified to do this with. But someone decided to give me a kidney shot and test those limits. It was as if they wanted to remind me, "hey...you know are that hard work you have done? Well, there's not much point to it until we test you on it. We can't just sit back and let you be okay with that; you understand of course." And BAM! It's your mother, acting like the poor innocent victim and that no one loves her; and how lucky you are to have been raised by better people than she was. Yeah...here we go......
She burned me pretty bad a few years ago.....really bad. Like I could have gone years without seeing her and been okay with it. I had finally let it go. Realized holding the grudge was giving free rental space in my head. Thought she had come to a place where she actually respected me. Now who's being naive.....
Stay tuned for round 2....cause you know it's coming........
