30 pieces of sliver....

I hate the expression, "you did the right thing...." People who say this to you usually have asked you to do something that seems very morally or ethically tricky; and you end up wanitng to just kick them in the teeth for asking you to do this anyways....and you end up feeling like you've just earned your 30 pieces of silver.....

I am one of those rare people who likes what they do and likes who they work for...(I know, you can slap me later) so when I am caught in office politics, it hits me hard in the stomach. I am actually of the belief structure that we should all just get along, because at the end of the day, 1. it's just work, and 2. we spend more of out lives with our coworkers than our families, so we should find one another's best qualities to hone in on.

Being asked to choose sides sucks, but it sucks more when choosing sides really inflicts damange. And you know that damage is going to completely blindside someone else. It's a double edged sword. First the person is going to completely taken aback by a surprise attack, then is going to be even more shocked that the attack is coming their own team. Those are the kinds of wounds that don't heal.

The bottom line is, I feel like a traitor; I have always been someone who shoots their mouth off before speaking; and have had to sit in the hot seat for it, more than once in my life. For those of you who have never had this experience, count yourself lucky. It's awful. I know we should all be held accountable for our behaviours and actions; and there really is character building in that excercise, but it's sort of like drinking to much. You know the cost will be heavy, but you can't help but think, "maybe this time it won't be so bad...." You should know better and learn your lesson the first time...but for some reason, you just keep going back.

Everything sucks right now.....

This is becoming one of the most trying weeks of my life.....

My grandmother passed away and I returned home to the land of Southwestern Ontario to say my good byes and help support my family. I have watched these women; my mother, and my aunts; three great women, damn near fight one another to the death over a will that my grandmother left. So many twisted family dynamics are emerging that I cannot even begin to cope with all of it....

I got to hang out with my amazing cousins tho.....and they are awesome. Got to watch my mom and aunt damn near verbally destroy one another.....not so awesome.....got to learn that the amazing grandmother I knew was not the awesome mom my mom and middle aunt knew....even worse still. Found out that family secrets can destroy a family....worst one yet. I hate this....I literally feel like a part of my soul is caving in on itself....all I want to do is come home and crawl into bed and not come out till this is all over....