Had a visit from an old friend last week, who very casually reminded me, that I have become EXTREMELY lax in my blogging.....this is true; like many things in my life, I have not been partaking of the things that usually work to ground me as opposed to contributing to the giant stressball that I am......
Not to say that being a stressball is all that hard for me; let's be honest, most people believe that "complete stressball" is my emotional equilibrium. But just because I choose to set up shop there, doesn't mean that I actually enjoy it. Life just has a habit of laying it's unique challenges on us all at the same time. While that does sound very passive, as tho I am not fully taking control of life; this isn't what I mean. I don't mean that I am simply allowing myself to not take responsibility for the number of dramatic events that are occurring; I am simply trying to recognize that, one; not only are these issues beyond my ability to predict, two; it is also impossible to predict WHEN they will occur. It's just Murphy's Law that they all happen at the same time.
I really didn't plan for an unemployed partner, a wedding, a sick uncle, career upheavals, and family drama all to occur in the past six months. Every little thing out of place or not working as planned has me at times, yelling, crying, and snapping. I know my family is not happy when I am like this; I know I am not happy like this, so I see the need to rekindle my passions and work though my crises..."the only way out is through....." so to speak...
I have chosen the wedding this evening to bitch, er, I mean..."talk" through. I now know why people elope....it really is impossible to make everyone happy (even I know that!), so why in the name of all that is joyful WHY complain to the bride? Why ask questions like, "What will you do if the photographs are bad?" I dunno dumbass, get divorced and try again? Is that the answer you're looking for? Or my personal favorite from those coming to the wedding (who obviously feel that this trip is overpriced) is to send me emails and text messages that they saw a package online WAY cheaper...so what can "I" do about it? Um...nothing.....I am the bride and a nurse by trade...not a travel agent with the secret ins and outs of vacation packages.
I love Paul, and I really cannot wait to marry him....but I would really love to tell anyone with a beef to just STAY HOME.
But the dress is bought, photographer is booked, birth certificates and passports are in cue, violins are tuned, and as of October 20, 2012; will be fully paid for. sigh......I already told Paul that we HAVE to go through with it now. And is he chickens out, I expect an upgraded substitute, cause I have gone through too much for it not to happen. I think he only thought I was kinda kidding......
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