6. And what wisdom would I choose to impart to the world if it was my last chance?
7. What are the lessons of my own life?
To be honest, I would love to write about some rosy, sunshiney, but valuable lessons I have learned here, but, hey, let's face it; this is real life; and sometimes, it really sucks. The life lessons are hard, and they can really bite us in the ass if we do not pay close attention to the cues we are being sent. But here are my thoughts, two cents, bits of wisdom; if you will.
1. If you don't like what you see; hold up the mirror.
Man, our own flaws are tricky to see; let alone change. That takes real work and dedication. And identifying those flaws is only half the battle. That's like having a hot tub with cold water. It doesn't matter how pretty the package is; ain't no one goin' in there. I often catch myself saying, "I'm a control freak, that's just who I am." The truth of the matter is, it's easier to admit this flaw than change it. Trust me, it has deep resounding effects on my relationships. There are times Paul is the biggest piece of shit in the world, solely because he will not do what I want, act the way I want, think they way I want, or do any of the things to keep my controlled world functioning at status quo. The irony is; I think this is what I found so attractive about him. He doesn't function that way. I have come to realize that I am deeply envious of this...he doesn't suffer from migraines and heartburn; and can actually fall asleep without the tv on. He can allow his mind to shut the hell up. You have no idea how much this pisses me off. Even my yoga instructor noticed in a group of 30 people that I have the "busy mind." (This is where the control freak in me wanted to tell her to f*&k off and tell her to shove her fifth aura into her third eye). But all of it is true. I am a control freak who needs constant external stimulation and gets very defensive about it. I have a lot of trouble just being. I am beginning to think that perhaps I don't like me as much as I should. I should get comfortable in my own skin, with my own company, and be content with myself; since I am in this; with me, for the long haul.
2. Don't lie about who you are and what you want.
A famous former Playmate said on Oprah recently that all women are master manipulators. (Trust me, my hackles went up first hearing this; and again, even quoting it makes me shudder). But, alas, it is true. We will make stupid statements to men we like such as , "Oh yeah, I like hockey!" When in fact, we cannot stand the game. Or, "oh I love beer and wings!" when the thought makes us gag. All these little white lies we tell people we want to be close to, only lead to confusion and hurt feelings a year later when they look at confused and hurt, "But I thought you'd want to watch six hours of hockey with a Coors Light and 2lbs of suicide wings..." and we call them an insensitive bastard for not knowing we would rather go to yoga class and a pumpkin festival. I am a master manipulator. And it has done absolutely nothing to help me in my life in any way. NEVER do this. Be honest about who you are and what you like up front. It saves a lot of headaches down the road.
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